Resolutions and Baby Steps

I've officially been single now for going on 3 years. And sadly I'm one of "those" kind of single people, you know the ones that are ashamed to be seen out in public alone, because geesh, single people are some kind of lepers... I've lived the hiding in shadows hermit thing for so long it's second nature, but today I did something out of the norm for the fear of becoming my grandmother.


I went out to eat, alone.


Granted it was only to KFC, but I went inside and ordered and sat there, all by myself, and ate. Normally I would have gone through the drive-through and brought my food back home, to eat alone, with the animals (Yeah I'm one cat away from being the crazy cat lady...1 dog, 1 cat) And guess what, nothing happened. None of the other diners pointed, or sneered, or looked pityingly at me, or anything other than enjoy their own meals. Next? I plan on going to the movies, think I'll go see Les Miserables. After that, who knows. Maybe this will be the year I take a vaction to somewhere exotic.


I figured that since we've hit the new year, my resolution to myself is to become more OK with who I am. Get out of the rut that I have been in for almost 3 years now. (Get up, go to work, come home, watch tv, rehearsal when there's a show, bed, repeat) I plan to do more things, get out of the house for more than just work and to stop waiting for someone to invite me to do things. I think this was all stemmed a couple of weeks ago when my mother asking me how much longer I was going to do the "celibate thing" and that made me start thinking about Grams (the grandmother/psycho bitch). Then last night I watched "Hope Floats" and there is a scene where Sandra Bullock has gone out to eat, alone, and Harry Conick Jr. tells her to be mysterious, like the choice is hers. And damnit, the choice is mine. And I choose to stop being afraid to go out alone. I choose to be adventurous and to LIVE my life instead of being some recluse.


My goal this year is to become the person I want to be, and be happy about who I see in the mirror. I know I'm not going to be the twig thin model type, I have come to terms with that, but I strive this year to become healthier, and more active. Making more friends, even if it means just reconnecting with old ones that I have neglected. And on that note, I'm going to finish here and go write a much overdue letter (yes letter) to a friend that has always been an inspiration to me.


I hope that you my nonexistant readers will also take the baby steps to becoming the you, you want to be. Until later, Ciao