http://youtu.be/VaFJ9pmR1c4 (Dixie Chicks, Ready to Run video)
I know that the Dixie Chicks, Ready to Run is more about being ready to go when the opportunity comes about (Are they secretly Doctor Who fans?), but there is some underlying "trapped" feelings mentioned, so this is my current thought process... I'm trapped, and don't know how to fix it.
Truth is trapped isn't really accurate, I have a wonderful home, I'm close to family, I have great friends (no love life, but honestly, who needs that?) I'm doing theater stuff (getting paid to do it as well) and I have a really good job (I get paid to play online or do nothing all day long, most days. And I'm able to pay the bills and have some leftover, woofreakinghoo!) So, why do I have this overwhelming urge to get out and move? This is something that has been weighing heavy on my heart for a few months now. The need, to be untethered and just float like the leaves in the wind, is calling this gypsy. LOUDLY and it sounds something like this...Scotland or Italy would be lovely, To Far? Okay, How about Chicago, New York, Atlanta (somewhere where public transportation will help since you are basically vehicle-less)? Come on, Vancouver would be an adventure. I really do have Peter Pan syndrome with the growing up and taking responsibility with age. Neverland would be wonderful for me I think.
Some of it is that soon the play will be over so my nights will be back to being lonely. And my main problem at work is that I get stressed or bored (How much Facebook can you really stand if you are older than 12) and those are the only two settings at the moment. I think I'm doing a good job, get told I've gotten the hang of something, and then someone else says "Nope, not this time." The Smashing Pumpkins, Bullets with Butterfly Wings lyrics are going off in my head: "Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage." Trapped...
Current mood of feeling trapped is probably brought on because today is one of those days. Another, older customer has an issue (customer error and wanting to use warranty to fix the problem), I've reported it a dozen times, told the external parties what the boss man said to say after looking into the issue, and still I get complained to. So I asked the boss man to call the customer and try to make her understand what he was saying, because obviously the multiple times that I've said the same thing haven't gotten through. His response was that he would call me when he was finished with the job he was working on. So here I sit, waiting for Running Man boss to call and fuss at me because I can't handle this one on my own, Yippee!
In the past the longing to move on had been easier to deal with (break up with someone and move onto another apartment, find another job... get divorced and move back closer to home and use the need to be near family as an excuse), but now that I'm in a better place, I'm not sure that going back to the barely scrapping by lifestyle will work. I've got Abby (and Loki) to consider now too. Monster would just go with the flow, but cats are easier to deal with in that regard, no need to worry about fenced in yards, and decent places to walk if the yard isn't fenced in. Not to mention most apartments are pet-free now-a-days and it's easy to hide a cat, not so much a dog. AND it's not like the job market is that great. Sure, I could probably wait tables again, but the expense of moving alone is a huge incentive to just stay put.
Any other gypsies (or even gypsies at heart) that have these problems? What do you do? What should I do? I know that if I wait it out, the call will go away for a little while, another play will come up, work will hit another good busy spot (that always helps) BUT the call will come back, and it's usually louder when I ignore it.
As usual, I've run out of steam. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated, until then...Ciao.
